Ethan

    Today's Turds: The No Teef Thief, Bankers Better Open Up & Transgendered Turmoil!

    Wednesday, August 27, 2008, 11:48 AM EST [General]

    .: Even a Tranny Gets Screwed in a Divorce! 

     

    Susan "the dude formerly known as Steve" Stanton just mediated (his?) divorce from Donna Stanton (his?) wife of 18 years. Susan has been ordered to pay nearly $5,000 a MONTH to Donna, in addition to $800 in child support. That's a little steep for someone who STILL doesn't have a job after being let go as Largo City Manager...

    That's BULL! See, even when a dude BECOMES a chick, (he?) still gets SCREWED! WTF?!

     

    .: The "Rotten Robber"



    Authorities are looking for this dude who they say robbed the Wachovia Bank on Mitchell Blvd. in New Port Richey on Tuesday. They describe him as "white... in his '50's.. 5'5", 200 lbs... with BAD TEETH"!

    Bad teeth?...
    In New Port Richey?... Well, that narrows it down! That's like looking for a blonde chick in Sweden... or a fat bitch at Wal-Mart....

    Seriously though, if you recognize the "Rotten Robber" contact the Pasco Sheriff's Office at 1-800-854-2862.
    (Source: Bay News 9)

     

    .: F*#K Free Checking, I Want Free Mouth Parties! 



    As you may have heard, banks are losing a TON of money; profits are down by 86% this quarter across the board, banks are closing left and right and it doesn't look to be slowing down. It's bad for the economy but GOOD for us customers, at least in the sense that now the employees are actually HAPPY to see us when we walk in.

    I changed banks a couple weeks ago and I swear to God, I thought the dude was going to give me a mouth party right there in the lobby when I walked in! The place was empty and he was so happy to see a new customer, he was OVERLY attentive.. but I got thinking "Damn, if they start handing out BJ's, you can guarantee that more people will sign up to do businees with you"... Screw free checking, I want FREE MOUTH PARTIES!!!! Not from dudes though, of course...
    (Source Bay News 9)

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    What's It Feel Like To Die??

    Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 03:37 PM EST [General]

    .: What's It Feel Like To Die????

     

    I found this AWESOME article on newscientist.com about how if feels to die in different ways... You know me, Mr. Sunshine!

    The full article is fairly long, so I've posted some excerpts below. Enjoy....

    HOW DOES IT FEEL TO DIE?:

    Drowning

    The "surface struggle" for breath

    Death by drowning has a certain dark romance to it: countless literary heroines have met their end slipping beneath the waves with billowy layers of petticoats floating around their heads. In reality, suffocating to death in water is neither pretty nor painless, though it can be surprisingly swift.

     

    Typically, when a victim realises that they cannot keep their head above water they tend to panic, leading to the classic "surface struggle". They gasp for air at the surface and hold their breath as they bob beneath, says Tipton. Struggling to breathe, they can't call for help. Their bodies are upright, arms weakly grasping, as if trying to climb a non-existent ladder from the sea. Studies with New York lifeguards in the 1950s and 1960s found that this stage lasts just 20 to 60 seconds.

    When victims eventually submerge, they hold their breath for as long as possible, typically 30 to 90 seconds. After that, they inhale some water, splutter, cough and inhale more. Water in the lungs blocks gas exchange in delicate tissues, while inhaling water also triggers the airway to seal shut - a reflex called a laryngospasm. "There is a feeling of tearing and a burning sensation in the chest as water goes down into the airway. Then that sort of slips into a feeling of calmness and tranquility," says Tipton, describing reports from survivors.

    That calmness represents the beginnings of the loss of consciousness from oxygen deprivation, which eventually results in the heart stopping and brain death.

    Fire

    It's usually the toxic gases that prove lethal

    Burns inflict immediate and intense pain through stimulation of the nociceptors - the pain nerves in the skin. To make matters worse, burns also trigger a rapid inflammatory response, which boosts sensitivity to pain in the injured tissues and surrounding areas.

    As burn intensities progress, some feeling is lost but not much, says David Herndon, a burns-care specialist at University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston. "Third-degree burns do not hurt as much as second-degree wounds, as superficial nerves are destroyed. But the difference is semantic; large burns are horrifically painful in any instance."

    Some victims of severe burns report not feeling their injuries while they are still in danger or intent on saving others. Once the adrenalin and shock wear off, however, the pain quickly sets in. Pain management remains one of the most challenging medical problems in the care of burns victims.

    Most people who die in fires do not in fact die from burns. The most common cause of death is inhaling toxic gases - carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide and even hydrogen cyanide - together with the suffocating lack of oxygen. One study of fire deaths in Norway from 1996 found that almost 75 per cent of the 286 people autopsied had died from carbon monoxide poisoning.

    Depending on the size of the fire and how close you are to it, concentrations of carbon monoxide could start to cause headache and drowsiness in minutes, eventually leading to unconsciousness. According to the US National Fire Protection Association, 40 per cent of the victims of fatal home fires are knocked out by fumes before they can even wake up.

    Decapitation

    Beheading, if somewhat gruesome, can be one of the quickest and least painful ways to die - so long as the executioner is skilled, his blade sharp, and the condemned sits still.

    The height of decapitation technology is, of course, the guillotine. Officially adopted by the French government in 1792, it was seen as more humane than other methods of execution. When the guillotine was first used in public, onlookers were reportedly aghast at the speed of death.

    Quick it may be, but consciousness is nevertheless believed to continue after the spinal chord is severed. A study in rats in 1991 found that it takes 2.7 seconds for the brain to consume the oxygen from the blood in the head; the equivalent figure for humans has been calculated at 7 seconds. Some macabre historical reports from post-revolutionary France cited movements of the eyes and mouth for 15 to 30 seconds after the blade struck, although these may have been post-mortem twitches and reflexes.

    If you end up losing your head, but aren't lucky enough to fall under the guillotine, or even a very sharp, well-wielded blade, the time of conscious awareness of pain may be much longer. It took the axeman three attempts to sever the head of Mary Queen of Scots in 1587. He had to finish the job with a knife.

    Decades earlier in 1541, Margaret Pole, the Countess of Salisbury, was executed at the Tower of London. She was dragged to the block, but refused to lay her head down. The inexperienced axe man made a gash in her shoulder rather than her neck. According to some reports, she leapt from the block and was chased by the executioner, who struck 11 times before she died.

    Electrocution

    The heart and the brain are most vulnerable

    In accidental electrocutions, usually involving low, household current, the most common cause of death is arrhythmia, stopping the heart dead. Unconsciousness ensues after the standard 10 seconds, says Richard Trohman, a cardiologist at Rush University in Chicago.
    Higher currents can produce nearly immediate unconsciousness. The electric chair was designed to produce instant loss of consciousness and painless death - a step up from traditional hangings - by conducting the current through the brain and the heart.

    Whether it achieves this end is debatable. Studies on dogs in 1950 found that electrodes had to be placed on either side of the head to ensure sufficient current passed through the brain to knock the creature out. There have been many botched executions - those that required several jolts to kill, or where flames leapt from the prisoner's head, in one case due to a damp synthetic sponge being attached to the electrodes on the prisoner's head, which was such a poor conductor it was heated up by the current and caught fire.

    John Wikswo, a biophysicist at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee, maintains that the thick, insulating bones of the skull prevents sufficient current from reaching the brain, and prisoners could instead be dying from heating of the brain, or perhaps from suffocation due to paralysis of the breathing muscles - either way, an unpleasant way to go.

    Fall from a height

    If possible aim to land feet first

    A high fall is certainly among the speediest ways to die: A study of deadly falls in Hamburg, Germany, found that 75 per cent of victims died in the first few seconds or minutes after landing.

    The exact cause of death varies, depending on the landing surface and the person's posture. People are especially unlikely to arrive at the hospital alive if they land on their head - more common for shorter (under 10 metres) and higher (over 25 metres) falls. A 1981 analysis of 100 suicidal jumps from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco - height: 75 metres, velocity on impact with the water: 120 kilometres per hour - found numerous causes of instantaneous death including massive lung bruising, collapsed lungs, exploded hearts or damage to major blood vessels and lungs through broken ribs.

    Survivors of great falls often report the sensation of time slowing down. The natural reaction is to struggle to maintain a feet-first landing, resulting in fractures to the leg bones, lower spinal column and life-threatening broken pelvises. The impact travelling up through the body can also burst the aorta and heart chambers. Yet this is probably still the safest way to land, despite the force being concentrated in a small area: the feet and legs form a "crumple zone" which provides some protection to the major internal organs.

    Some experienced climbers or skydivers who have survived a fall report feeling focused, alert and driven to ensure they landed in the best way possible: relaxed, legs bent and, where possible, ready to roll. Certainly every little helps, but the top tip for fallers must be to aim for a soft landing. A paper from 1942 reports a woman falling 28 metres from her apartment building into freshly tilled soil. She walked away with just a fractured rib and broken wrist.

    Hanging

    Speed of death depends on the hangman's skill

    Suicides and old-fashioned "short drop" executions cause death by strangulation; the rope puts pressure on the windpipe and the arteries to the brain. This can cause unconsciousness in 10 seconds, but it takes longer if the noose is incorrectly sited. Witnesses of public hangings often reported victims "dancing" in pain at the end of the rope, struggling violently as they asphyxiated. Death only ensues after many minutes, as shown by the numerous people being resuscitated after being cut down - even after 15 minutes.

    When public executions were outlawed in Britain in 1868, hangmen looked for a less performance-oriented approach. They eventually adopted the "long-drop" method, using a lengthier rope so the victim reached a speed that broke their necks. It had to be tailored to the victim's weight, however, as too great a force could rip the head clean off, a professionally embarrassing outcome for the hangman.

    Despite the public boasting of several prominent executioners in late 19th-century Britain, a 1992 analysis of the remains of 34 prisoners found that in only about half of cases was the cause of death wholly or partly due to spinal trauma. Just one-fifth showed the classic "hangman's fracture" between the second and third cervical vertebrae. The others died in part from asphyxiation.

    Lethal injection

    US-government approved, but is it really painless?

    Lethal injection was designed in Oklahoma in 1977 as a humane alternative to the electric chair. The state medical examiner and chair of anaesthesiology settled on a series of three drug injections. First comes the anaesthetic thiopental to speed away any feelings of pain, followed by a paralytic agent called pancuronium to stop breathing. Finally potassium chloride is injected, which stops the heart almost instantly.

    Each drug is supposed to be administered in a lethal dose, a redundancy to ensure speedy and humane death. However, eyewitnesses have reported inmates convulsing, heaving and attempting to sit up during the procedure, suggesting the cocktail is not always completely effective.

    The reason, say Leonidas Koniaris at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, is insufficient thiopental. He and his colleagues analysed 41 executions by lethal injection in North Carolina and California, and compared anaesthetic doses to known effects in animal models, such as pigs. As the same dose of thiopental is used regardless of body weight, the anaesthesia produced in some heavier inmates might be inadequate, they concluded.

    "I think that awareness is a real possibility in a large fraction of executions," says Koniaris. That awareness might include feelings of suffocation from paralysed lungs and the searing, burning pain of a potassium chloride injection. The effect of the paralytic, however, might mean that witnesses never see any outward signs of pain.

    The Supreme Court is now going to review whether this mode of execution is legal.

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    .: These Skulls Are Crazy!!!

    Monday, August 25, 2008, 11:11 AM EST [General]

    I want to thank my buddy "Crazy" Dave for sending me this article; he knows how I like weird stuff and he knew I'd be into this... check out the horned skull... that's my personal favorite.

    Five Mysterious Skulls: Dare They Be Called, Human? 

    These are five authentic skulls dug up and discovered from nearly every corner of the globe. If the skulls are actually of human origin has been put up for debate by some. Either way, these anomalies will either give you a great costume idea, inspiration to go on your own Indian Jones-style adventure, or just provide a reason for some really freaky dreams.

     

    The Horned Skull


    During an archaeological dig in Sayre, Bradford County, Pennsylvania in the 1880s, a number of human skulls were unearthed. These skeletons were anatomically correct, except for the anomaly of their projections, two inches above the eyebrow, and the fact that their average height in life would have been around seven feet tall. ****s were sent to the American Investigating Museum in Philadelphia, where they were stolen - never to be seen again.

     

    Above: Instances today of genetic throwbacks to this race.

    Starchild Skull


    This peculiar skull was found in a mine tunnel, 100 miles Southwest of Chihuahua. Dental analysis have ascertained that the skull is that of a five year old child. However, the interior of the skull is 20cm larger than the average adult cranial cavity. The optic nerve is situated at the bottom of the eye socket, rather than the back.

    The back of the skull is flattened, but not by artificial means. Carbon dating places the skull's age at approximately 1100 BCE. DNA testing has determined that the child had a human mother, but useful lengths of nuclear DNA for further testing could not be recovered. In 2004, Royal Holloway College of the University of London revealed "fibers" in **** of the skull and a reddish residue, neither of which are known or recorded to exist prior to the discovery.

    Peruvian Skulls

     


    These odd elongated skulls originate from Peru. They were excavated in Nazca - close to the mysterious Nazca lines. As with the horned skull race, skeletal remains reveal that this race was extremely tall - up to nine feet in height. Similar skulls have been excavated in Mexico and are on display in museums. Some of the elongated skulls showed evidence of ancient brain surgery, suggesting an advanced knowledge and understanding of biology. Suggestions that the skulls were altered by a process of binding the skull in infancy, when the cranial bones are soft, encouraging them to grow into an un-natural shape, have been rejected. Nevertheless, skull binding cannot increase the internal capacity of the cranial void - and evidence points to the fact that in the case of the Peruvian and Mexican skulls, the cranial void is significantly larger than in a normal skull. It is intriguing also to consider the Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaten and his family - who were depicted in hieroglyphics as having a large misshapen skull.



    Above: Depictions of Akhenaten and his Daughter

    Robert Connolly Discoveries


    Robert Connolly was researching the paper "In Search of Ancient Wisdom" when he came across these intriguing skulls. During his research, Robert photographed them:


     

    This skull is in all respects similar to modern skulls, with only several factors out of proportion. The size of eye sockets are about 15% larger than normal. The cranial cavity is almost double that of a normal human - the estimated cranial capacity ranges between minimum of 2600 cm3 to 3200 cm3.




    Above: The lower jaw bone of this skull is missing.

    What is noticeable about the remnants of the facial portion is that the characteristics are entirely within the range of a normal human skull. The cranial cavity, on the other hand, is extremely large - with the cavity exceeding 3000cm3 Also, the two protruding "lobes" are highly anomalous.

     

    Bulgarian Skull


    This skull cannot visibly classified as human - but is interesting. It was discovered in 2001, the Rodopi Mountains, Bulgaria. Very little else is known at this point in time.

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    Married or Engaged?

    Friday, August 22, 2008, 01:59 PM EST [General]

    Trust me. I hate forwards just as much as the next guy but this joke from my buddy SKI really rang true to me, so I figured I'd share.... obviously as with most forwards, you may have seen this before but it's new to me.. ;)

    How To Tell If You Are Married or Engaged

    Two women, one engaged and one married, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.

    That night they will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

    After a few days they meet up for lunch.

    The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.

    He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.'

    Then we made love all night long.

    The married woman: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

    As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

     

    I just thought "How true" when I read this, as someone who's been with the same (though admittedly hot) chick for 11 years.. when does it become routine? That's the thought of the day...

     

    *E*

     

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    .: Today's TURDS!: Kickball Sex Assault, Touched By a 'Tard & Fay's a Killer...

    Thursday, August 21, 2008, 11:52 AM EST [General]

    .: Adventures in 'Tard Babysitting!

     

    This is 25 year old Charles Johnson. He was just arrested for allegedly porking some 9 year old boy he had been babysitting. Police had received a tip (haha...tip) that Ol' Chuck had been "inappropriately touching" the boy at a pool at Camden Apartments on Westshore yesterday. The sad thing is that he routinely babysits LOTS of kids in the Port Tampa area apparently, so this type of thing has probably happened before.

    Now, the kicker... Charles' mom says that he shouldn't be punished TOO severely because he's (get this) RETARDED! Oh, okay, so because the guy's a little slow he can go around diddling little boys and he shouldn't get in trouble??!! Come on now...

    Gives me an idea for a new TV show though.... "Tune in this fall for the hot new dramedy..TOUCHED BY A RETARD! Thursdays at 9:00 ON FOX!"...lol. Go ahead and send your hate mail to ethan@98rock.com

    (Source: Bay News 9)

     

    .: Did Fay Do That?



    So there's been ONE death so far attributed to Tropical Storm Fay... was it a drowning? A tree fell on someone? Hit by a flying piece of debris?...NOPE! Some 54 year old Highland County man died of CARBON MONOXIDE POISONING after he was testing a generator in his garage and was overcome by fumes!.... Fay didn't do that! How was that HER fault? That's like when you're getting ready to go out to the club and you slip and fall in the shower, crack your head on the faucet and die and then people blame THE CLUB for your death! Stupid.

     

     .: I Want To Play Kickball! (I'll pass on the rape though...)



    Andre Newton's a kickball coach in Tampa. He was arrested Monday on charges he sexually assaulted one of his players when he stopped by  to get money for her uniform. Now take a minute and guess how OLD you think the kickball player was?... 9?.... 12?.... Nope. She was 21! My question is: Where does a 21 year old get to play kickball? Is there some Adult League that I don't know about? I want to play kickball damnit! I'll just be extra-vigilant when coach shows up to get my uni cash...

    (Source: Tampa Bay's 10)

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